yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
