I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
