so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
