the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
