Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
