it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
