Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
