this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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