girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
