just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
