its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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