Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Green mimosas i think yes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Still dying that you shit outside
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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