You really coming over, don't trick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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