the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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