he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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