Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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