He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
