DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
