I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
