I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
