i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
