remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You ruined the universe
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
