I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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