It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
