Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
