Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
