i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
