please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
