he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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