your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
