I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
