You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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