..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
