can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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