No stitches, just platelets and will power
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
