There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
