2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
