he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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