Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
