I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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