can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
