i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
