Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
