TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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