I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
