are you so shy because you have an std?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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