so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
