I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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