Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
