Got a toothbrush?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just had sex on a roof
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
