Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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