good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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