will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
