I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
