The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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